ASPARAMANCER PREDICTS ENGLAND WIN

So England women's football team is playing the Euro Final against Germany.  Well done ladies...but now we are all enduring the press telling us how "footballs coming home" "as good as 1966" etc.

The Good Morning TV program has sunk to a new low.  Today the brought on an "asparamancer".

This is a peculiar little woman who chucks a bunch of asparagus onto a flat surface and "reads" the future from the way the asparagus land.

She apparently saw an "L" and an "A".  "L" means lionesses and "A" means they will be first.  Oh and there was no "P" so there will be no penalties.

I thought I'd try it but I didn't have asparagus so I used celery. I asked if foretelling the future through vegetable chucking was accurate. When my celery landed, I saw the letters "W L and R"

WHAT A LOAD OF RUBBISH!